I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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