On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
