I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
