Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
