"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
