he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
