positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize