I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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