He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
