I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
