you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
