you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
