More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
