My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize