The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
