I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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