Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
