I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
