pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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