I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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