youre lurking in front of me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
