Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
