Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
