wake up i wanna do it froggy style
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
