I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
