I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
