my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
