i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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