we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
