And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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