walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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