My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
