He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
