But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
