Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
