life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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