super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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