After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
