In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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