I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
