like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need a beard to bite.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
