he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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