You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
