Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
