grandma shit on top of the toilet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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