Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
