ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize