What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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