Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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