i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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