this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
