Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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