toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
