I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
