Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
