this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize