All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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