I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
