Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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