I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
