just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
