yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
