How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
