you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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