Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
