Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
