im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
