The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
