i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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