Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize