i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
