i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
