how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize