U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
