There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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