I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
