I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
