Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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