hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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