I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
