hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
