I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
